Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The understanding of sorrow
It's not a silly little moment
It's not the calm before the storm
This is the deep and dying breath of
this love that we've been working on
It's not the calm before the storm
This is the deep and dying breath of
this love that we've been working on
- Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, John Mayer
¶ 7:07 PM So I watched The Pursuit of Happyness over the break (excellent movie, by the way, one of the rare ones that leave you thinking without showing you something you hadn't seen or considered seriously before). Something's been nagging at me ever since. Now, we say that happiness is relative; but is it the same case for sadness? They showed Chris Gardner going through some pretty brutal times (I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but very few people I know have had to suffer that badly. Some people I know have had to suffer even worse, but that's another story). The question is, if you've never been in that situation yourself, can you really feel his pain? Or would you equate it to something more benign that would probably be extreme to you? I think this is what people tend to do. For example, consider the following scenario; there's a person A, to whom the worst thing that's ever happened is a broken nail. There's also a person B, who lost both his parents before he was 10 years old. Now, if person A heard person B's story, he'd say "I know how that feels; I broke a nail once" So, does that mean that person A can never trult understand person B? Or does it mean that just because the measurements are different, it doesn't mean the scope is?
I suppose this comes down to how emotion works. Does limited experience with sorrow lead to a limited capability of understanding sorrow? We do make leniencies for happiness and joy, after all. If a person derives joy solely from playing music, we don't say she can't understand the level of joy of solving a complex calculus problem on your own. If a person derives joy from understanding chemical reactions, we don't say she is unable to comprehend the level of joy of listening to Pavarotti in peak form. We say they understand joy in different manners, but don't question the range of their joy. So perhaps sorrow works in the same way? Can the level of sorrow felt at failing a course be equal to losing a child? Or is the world doomed to a permanent disconnect because people fail to really grasp what others are going through because they've never gone through it themselves? I fear if it's the latter, because people's experiences are drifting farther and farther apart. So I do hope it's the former. But I wonder...which one is it? And why?
I suppose this comes down to how emotion works. Does limited experience with sorrow lead to a limited capability of understanding sorrow? We do make leniencies for happiness and joy, after all. If a person derives joy solely from playing music, we don't say she can't understand the level of joy of solving a complex calculus problem on your own. If a person derives joy from understanding chemical reactions, we don't say she is unable to comprehend the level of joy of listening to Pavarotti in peak form. We say they understand joy in different manners, but don't question the range of their joy. So perhaps sorrow works in the same way? Can the level of sorrow felt at failing a course be equal to losing a child? Or is the world doomed to a permanent disconnect because people fail to really grasp what others are going through because they've never gone through it themselves? I fear if it's the latter, because people's experiences are drifting farther and farther apart. So I do hope it's the former. But I wonder...which one is it? And why?
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I dunno... i think people can really empathize because they're capable of thinking, "well, what if that happened to me?" just my 0.02 CDN :D
perception is what distances us from each other.
its a messed up thing really because communication is so futile. words never mean the same thing to different people because experience shapes meaning and perception shapes experiences, and no one's perception is ever same.
luckily reality is relatively consensual...so we stay somewhat connected...else things could be far worse.
SWM
its a messed up thing really because communication is so futile. words never mean the same thing to different people because experience shapes meaning and perception shapes experiences, and no one's perception is ever same.
luckily reality is relatively consensual...so we stay somewhat connected...else things could be far worse.
SWM
# posted by 
: 6:56 PM
: 6:56 PM
"This is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on"
*sigh* Oh how it hurts...
Very great blog! =)
Mmm... that comment about how a person whom derives joy from playing music and a persom whom derives joy from solving a calculus problem... scientifically speaking, I would venture a guess that... the "chemicals of joy" are the same... so... in essence they joy they feel... purely is the same but they just identify the source of their joy differently... if that makes sense.
As for sorrow... i don't think the sorrow person A feels is anything close to the kind of sorrow person B feels. even though you've never gone through anything worse than breaking your nail all your life... it doesn't mean you can't IMAGINE how bad it'd be to lose your parents. Of course it's not to say empathizing (sp?) is "good enough" but I think being human... we all are capable of imagining how another would feel in a given situation...
*sigh* Oh how it hurts...
Very great blog! =)
Mmm... that comment about how a person whom derives joy from playing music and a persom whom derives joy from solving a calculus problem... scientifically speaking, I would venture a guess that... the "chemicals of joy" are the same... so... in essence they joy they feel... purely is the same but they just identify the source of their joy differently... if that makes sense.
As for sorrow... i don't think the sorrow person A feels is anything close to the kind of sorrow person B feels. even though you've never gone through anything worse than breaking your nail all your life... it doesn't mean you can't IMAGINE how bad it'd be to lose your parents. Of course it's not to say empathizing (sp?) is "good enough" but I think being human... we all are capable of imagining how another would feel in a given situation...
Ya, I've been wondering about this myself. A friend of mine is in the army and going through some deep deap shit (not Canadian army, an actually army that has a tendency to fight wars). He does things that I can't even imagine, and he says that it gives him a good appreciation of life (like an appreciation for 6 hours of sleep, the ability to sit, good shoes, and an adequate amount of food).
At every step of his training its gotten harder and harder, so that the last step of his training seemed like a walk in the park in comparison.
Now here's the thing: He's happy. Like really happy, it's difficult, but he's positive. He is enjoying what he is doing to a far greater extent than what I enjoy what I'm doing. I'm of course doing well in school, trying to get into medschool, have a good job, and generally am living a comfortable life. But he is much happier about things than I am.
I thought about this for a while. And I've determined that research into happiness is not at a stage right now for people
If you have the time, I suggest you try and watch "The Pursuit of Happiness" a CBC documentary about happiness. Good information on the state of happiness.
-Dan
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At every step of his training its gotten harder and harder, so that the last step of his training seemed like a walk in the park in comparison.
Now here's the thing: He's happy. Like really happy, it's difficult, but he's positive. He is enjoying what he is doing to a far greater extent than what I enjoy what I'm doing. I'm of course doing well in school, trying to get into medschool, have a good job, and generally am living a comfortable life. But he is much happier about things than I am.
I thought about this for a while. And I've determined that research into happiness is not at a stage right now for people
If you have the time, I suggest you try and watch "The Pursuit of Happiness" a CBC documentary about happiness. Good information on the state of happiness.
-Dan
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